magic handI’ve been in a conflict lately. Actually, I’ve been in this conflict the majority of my life. It’s just that lately it has really surfaced so I can finally resolve it.

It’s about magic. About being magic. And what this means – being magic versus magical thinking, reality versus escapism/fantasy, being magic in an aniti-magic world.

My goal is to reclaim my magic, to let it surface and shine in my everyday life, everywhere. As opposed to now where I keep it pretty closeted.

Our world has gotten away from magic. More, our world treats magic with a kind of disdain and a judgment that, honestly, has really affected me.

A huge part of this is that I have experienced things throughout my life that science cannot explain. Magical things.

Like when I was a child, it was Christmas time, a mouse got into the house.

My mom and brother mounted a charge to catch it and kill it. We lived on a ranch and that’s the kind of thing you do on a ranch. Maybe other places, too, but I’ve nothing to compare it to.

I was mortified at the thought of them hurting the mouse.  I begged my mom to please, please, please let me catch it and let it go outside. She humored me and she and my brother went and sat on the olive green couch (hey, it was the 70’s) while I got the go ahead to do my thing.

The mouse had run behind the Christmas presents that were under the tree.

I went into the kitchen and got some cheese. Every seven year old knows how much mice love cheese. Then I squatted down in front of the Christmas tree, a few feet away from it, and began to talk to the mouse.

Mice, like most animals, prefer non-polarized energy, meaning no “us vs. them”, but “we”. Mice do not think in terms of separation like humans do. They have fear, like any animal, but the fear is not driven by a feeling of separation like it is in humans.

So I’m talking to the mouse, making my energy very mouse-friendly, when it peeks its head out from behind one of the presents.

I continue to talk to it, calling it over, and it steps out into the open, a few inches from its boxy sanctuary. I proceed to talk to it and it proceeds to zig-zag its way across the floor, heading towards me. I can still hear my mom’s voice saying “I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it” over and over and over.

The mouse came all the way up to me, stepped a paw onto my hand, and bit me right in the center of my palm and then scurried away. It was pretty beautiful though I wasn’t too thrilled about the bite – it hurt!

I later learned, in my 20’s, that in Native American tradition if you survive an animal attack you have earned the right to carry that animal’s medicine. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please Google “animal medicine”.)

I’ve had many encounters with animals like this, not always ending in getting bit. Cows, wild ponies, rattlesnakes, feral cats, elk, deer – incredible, magical encounters.

glass goes popI’ve also blown the bottom off of glasses when my hand is reaching for it and about 5 inches away. Pop! The whole glass stayed intact but the entire bottom was totally severed, so I could lift it off its base. I had witnesses and even took a photo of one of the glasses the second time it happened.

I’ve experienced incredible healings – tumors going away, disease reversing.

I could go on and on and on.  I’ve had hundreds, thousands, of magical experiences throughout my life. I mean really amazing, wtf, kinds of things.

The point is that the magic I experience is not imaginary. Or explainable. I am not in some LaLa Land of irrationality.

But people who haven’t experienced this kind of real magic, or who have forgotten, treat these experiences with such condescension and arrogance, en masse, that it is not only sad and frustrating, but really hard for me to tolerate.

Being magical in an anti-magic world is something I have yet to make peace with.

As I explore this I find a fear of being judged as irrational or crazy and thus being viewed as not-legitimate or invalid.

As I go deeper I see that I feel very protective of magic, and the love that powers it, and having it blasted is a kind of blasphemy to me. So I have become very private about it. To the point where I don’t even share that I do energy work, clients just kind of “find out” about it. (I’ve worked on this but it is still difficult for me to come out and just say it.)

The other part is my own conflict about the line between real magic and magical thinking. It’s a slippery slope. Like when I go into inner realms and have encounters with beings there. I can very easily handle this from the framework of metaphor and story and how powerful these are in the human psyche, a la Joseph Campbell.

But the notion that these beings are real, that the magic inherent in, and post, these encounters, is real, that’s another enchilada for me. And this is where huge resistance comes in.

It seems to me that being magic, living magic, is a realm of an unexplainable reality. But I can at least understand, in a rational way, why it is possible to talk to mice and have them respond, versus talking to a dragon and having impacts from that in my physical reality. (Which also happens)

When does magic become insanity?

By the same token, just to be clear, I also wonder very similar things about “rational” thinking. Very often someone thinks they are being rational when their approach is totally unreasonable so they aren’t properly considering things because of prejudices or judgments they have. Like the doctor whose patient, unresponsive to treatment, comes to see me (often at the doctor’s recommendation) and in less than three months is healed and there is no medical explanation but the doctor never calls me to talk about it. Wouldn’t you want to know how a patient healed when it should be “impossible”?

I don’t have answers to this dilemma right now but I do know that being more visible about it is somehow part of the answer.

I am very open to your thoughts, wisdom, insights. Having said that, I am not open to disparaging comments as I’ve encountered plenty of that in my life and it’s not useful right now. I’m not in a “is magic real or not?” space. I’m in a “how to let the magic live, openly, in me without being so fearful/tense” space.

I also don’t know that “being myself” or “confidence” are really the issue. Though I am looking at the authentic-self part. (I’m plenty confident about my magic, that’s not a problem at all)

It feels more primal to me.

How do you experience your magic in this kind of world?

How do you live your magic? Is it easy for you? Why or why not?

Are you afraid to let it fully live? Why or why not?

Thank you for sharing in this exploration.

Have  magical day.